re: purgatory

So cole i just wanted to post a thought in response to your terribly accurate reflection of the decision ahead of us. my thought stems from this really amazing story, but i've just included an excerpt because it was way too long and time is money! this is from a devotional given by stephen bahr, one of my old soc professors. eliza cusworth is his great great grandmother:


"Eliza Cusworth was born in england in 1824 and married Joseph Burton in 1846. they lived happily for a few years and had two children, Joseph and Martha. In 1849 two LDS missionaries came to the area, and both eliza and Joseph listened to them, gained testimonies of the gospel, and were baptized. the counsel of the prophet at that time was for the Saints to migrate to Utah. Joseph and eliza started saving so that they could make the journey. Joseph was employed as a carrier delivering goods from the depot to various stores. While lifting at work he broke a blood vessel, which resulted in his death a short time later. his dying request to eliza was for her to migrate to Utah so she could do their temple work and raise their children among the Saints in Zion. eliza promised him she would do this. Understandably, both eliza’s and Joseph’s families discouraged her from making what they said was “a foolish journey.” Eliza’s mother said that if eliza would stay with them, they would take care of her and her children, and she would want for nothing. Joseph’s family offered to give her any amount of money if she would stay in England. It was a difficult decision for eliza. however, she had made a promise to her dying husband, and she knew the gospel was true, so she chose to go. In the spring of 1856, at age 32, eliza packed her trunks and embarked on the 6,000-mile journey with Joseph and Martha, her two children."

So, as I read this I thought to myself, Eliza Cusworth was so strong, so determined! I am so impressed with her character and her strength, and I think that the Lord is impressed with her too. And then I think to myself, is the Lord impressed with me? I think he is probably pleased with some of the things I do and say and attempt, but I don't think he's impressed. My efforts aren't extraordinary. So, here is what I think about our situation. I don't really care if we move. I don't. Because I don't think that where we live will determine the kind of life we have. I know that our location in large part determines the kind of work you do, and there is something to that. But I think that no matter what we do, we need to be brave like eliza cusworth. We need to have courage and do things that are scary. Whether we move to Borneo or Portland or where ever, we will still need to stretch ourselves out of our comfort zones: I'm less scared of moving to a whole new place than I am to get back on my knees and ask for forgiveness for the same things I asked for yesterday and the day before that; we'll still need to figure out a way to connect with our families more, be better friends, be better neighbors, learn to really root out our selfish tendencies, and finally finally throw off the destructive habits that cripple us and stunt our progression. That is real purgatory. Living with the same problems we did when we were teenagers and trying to really find out who we are and what we believe. Do you know what I mean?

Sorry I'm so existential and maybe embarrassingly intimate. I'm trying in my journal to be more light hearted and say things like "today I went to bridal veil with my friends and it was funnest ever!" But I always end up at the same place. Are you sure you want me to be a contributor to this blog? Maybe you want to reconsider before i muddy it all up with my stream of consciousness. love you, suzie.