purgatory

I played basketball tonight and got a black eye and a bruised knee… and I loved it. Loved every minute of it.

Tonight Suzie had Amalia, Sienna, Becky, and Celia over to make snicker doodles. And they gossiped and gabbed, talked about Lady Gaga, Haiti, furniture, Suzie’s hot new jeans, and Elliot busted a gut touching Celia’s baby’s nose… over and over again. The two “shes” in this family seemed to love every minute of it. And… I did, too. Good friends, good company. When you’re surrounded by love, what more do you need?

. . . . . . . . . .

For three and half years now, Suzie and I have been married. And for probably 80% of that time, we’ve been in constant flux of “we’re probably going to move at the end of the semester” or “we’ll move when Suzie gets into grad school” or “…when I get a job.” How many times we had those conversations, I have no idea. Many many.

And then Suzie did get accepted into grad school. In New York. This was our dream. Right? But we didn’t go.

Some of those reasons stay in the family. And some of them were based on a bad economy that would make finding a job hard. And some… really, were just based on we weren’t quite ready to go.

So we stayed.

And we’re happy.

And then we have Elliot and the options for grad school change. We look at part-time schools and schools by family… and schools by our family here—our friends. I use that word with all the emphasis I can. We have incredible friends.

Suzie was accepted to BYU and a couple schools in New York, including NYU. How cool, right? And how expensive… and, as cool as going to grad school at NYU sounded, it just didn’t quite feel right.

And so we decided BYU.

And again we stayed.

But this time there’s definition to our stay: 2 years. Two years and then we’re out of here. In two years we chase the job of my dreams.

Finally, a plan.

Four months later, we decide grad school’s not right for this family any more… not at this time. Someday, yes! Most assuredly, and I hope soon. But, not now.

So our short-lived time of a “planned life” has passed and we’re back in this “We’ll stay for maybe another year” purgatory. Honestly, our purgatorial state is pretty enjoyable. But, you can’t live there forever… right?

And so… do we stay?

Or…

Do we finally close the chapter on this wonderful life and start a new wonderful chapter somewhere else. Further away from our wonderful family of friends here, but maybe closer to our wonderful family of kin.

Are the uneasiness and sadness provoked by such thoughts just the natural feelings that stir at such a time of change? Or could they be inklings that maybe again…

We stay?